How to Get Your Wife to Respect You

Offering small gestures making you both feel special.

(Wisdom from “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs)

Do you ever feel that your wife doesn’t respect you?  Maybe she has become controlling or critical.  Does she ever tell you how to drive or what to wear or how to wipe off the counter?  When you first met, she was fun and adventuresome and just wanted to be with you.  But somehow that has changed.  What you may not know is that women need to feel loved by you.  Without love your wife will react without respect.  A woman’s need for love is as important as your need for respect.  It’s like oxygen for her.  The word COUPLE means “Two people connected together” and this is the key to how women view relationships.  They want connectivity.  Women are so wired to connect that when they feel a slight disconnect they will do anything they can to reconnect.  Sometimes women will even confront to connect.  Of course, this often feels controlling to a man. Instead of withdrawing, which is often a man’s natural tendency to avoid conflict, try some of the following tips:

1. Hold her hand
2. Give her a hug
3. Try being affectionate without sexual intentions
4. Spend time alone with her talking, laughing and sharing, like you used to do when you were dating.
5. Go for a walk with her, anything that results in togetherness
6. You seek her out… set up a date night… eat by candlelight
7. You go out of your way to do something for her, like run an errand.
8. Make it a priority to spend time with her
9. Let her know that you enjoy discussing things with her and getting her insights.
10. Suggest the unexpected… get takeout and eat on the beach… take a walk to see the full moon…park on the bluff and watch the sunset.
11. Pillow talk after making love… lie close with your arm around her and share feelings and intimate ideas …and never turn on Sports Center or Nightline.
12. Share your feelings, talking about your day and difficulties
13. Ask her what she’s feeling and ask for her opinions
14. Give her your full attention
15. Discuss important things with her like financial concerns, possible job changes, or ideas for your future.

Many of these suggestions may feel unnecessary or foreign to you.  That’s ok, your wife is not wired like a man.  She speaks a different language and has very different needs than you.  These suggestions are just the start to helping understanding the ways that your wife is different from you. 

To learn more about these differences, and how to have a better relationship with your wife make an appointment for Individual Relationship Counseling for Men:  https://www.restoring-mindscounseling.com/services/individual-therapy/ or call 360-780-3934.